Feeling lonely as a single on V-Day? Good for you! You couldn’t be at a better stage in life right now!
No, seriously – what better day to examine that current situation of yours than on Valentine’s Day?
See, being single truly is a gift in disguise which is why most people do not see the benefits of and rather try to run away from it. In the spirit of love, I would therefore love (pun intended) to share with you some awesome advantages of being single plus how you can avail of those, make the most of your singleness and be proud of it – instead of being ashamed! With no further ado, here come…
10 Reasons to Celebrate Singleness On Valentine’s Day
#1 Traveling as your heart desires
Travel today has gained a new form of popularity – various Instagram accounts are overflowed with glorious pictures of breathtaking sunny days on the beach or colourful European city breaks. Fancy any of these? Your singleness gives you the freedom to explore those gems by yourself! Grab a friend or even a relative if you dread being alone (which there really is no reason for, obviously depending on your desired destination), choose one of the many super cheap charter flights online and off you go! I’ve just planned an extended weekend trip with a good friend – we’re going to Palermo!! – and can’t wait to start that journey. One of the most important things about travel though is the fact that you will increase your knowledge and expand your horizon. You will realize how small you actually are compared to the great world out there that humanity lives in. You will start appreciating your origin and life in general. Travel is one of the greatest opportunities for you to ponder upon life, get inspired, meditate and grow as a person. As a single, you can travel without the need to adjust your plans to another person – you can go as you please!
#2 You are in charge
As a single, you are in charge of your own life. You can do (or not do, for that matter) what you want, and you don’t need to discuss this with anyone, let alone wait for their consent. How many times have you had an idea, an inspiration, a desire, and reluctantly dropped it after a while because your boyfriend or girlfriend did not share the enthusiasm? Most of the times, your regular friends will be those to share the excitement with, which is why it is so important to first of all be (ideally) best friends with your love interest, before you embark on a romantic relationship journey. You take your decisions as you understand, you think for yourself, you know what to expect and can set realistic expectations for yourself. You have all the freedom you need to make mistakes and learn from them. You can build your own future, you can build your success. You are in charge. You decide. You own it. You go lady! (or gentleman!)
#3 You can save money
I can guarantee you that saving money is one of the hardest things to do in a relationship. It is more a character thing, than a relationship thing, but if you cannot do it when you are on your own, you will certainly not be able to when you’ll be taken. Apart from possibly having a spending habit, we women tend to surprise and delight our men with cute and/or symbolic presents, just because. It is interesting to note that, money (or rather, the mismanagement of it) is also one of the most common reasons for divorce. That is why you should use your singleness to build your financial literacy and understanding. For instance, consider this: there are three types of people in this world when it comes to money; 1) those who spend money, 2) those who save money, and 3) those who invest money. The latter is not necessarily referring to (big) businesses – you can invest money by buying books to read that will increase your knowledge and understanding, invest in courses to learn a new skill, invest into meaningful relationships with friends, family, neighbours and/or colleagues, you can invest into buying food or clothes to help someone in need – investing money has many facets. Saving money is good, especially if you do not have a concrete plan. At least, you will be able to have emergency cash in case of need. However, at some point, that money will not be enough anymore. Spending money… well, if you are in any way familiar with the American way of life, you will know that spending money (without constraints) is one of the worst things you can do to yourself, your surrounding and the society you live in (hint: Uncle Sam). Be one of the wise ones and invest into something or someone; you will reap great benefits in the end, I promise you. How do I know that? Well, by investing money you actually multiply it. Depending on what you invested in and what your goal was, you will have more money, more time, more knowledge, more _____ – fill in the blank.
#4 You have (oh so much!) time
Oh my God! Seriously! How often do you hear (or say?) the sentence “I just don’t have time for that!” Well, let me tell you what, you have just as many hours as Beyoncé who seems to have 48 hours a day, going by the many results and achievements she produces… The secret to all of this is to make use of your time; maximise it! I know we all love to sleep in our cozy, warm beds (especially here in cold Dublin…!) and basically not get out of it ever again. But sooner or later, your body will object, and will push you out of your little cocoon. Listen to what Nike says: just do it right away! One of the things I dislike most is wasting time – time wasted is life wasted. Nothing is more pathetic than living life in a wasted, unproductive and passive manner. That actually means you exist, you don’t live. Own your life, take charge of it, take the money you have, as little as it may be, pair it with the 24 hours available to you and make the most of it! Write down your goals, wants and desires and embrace the adventure of reaching them!
#5 You can build your self
I am intentionally separating “you” and “self” here. Naturally, we human beings are an egocentric, selfish species – this is important to survive, particularly in daunting and dangerous situations, so this is nothing to be ashamed of. However, this is also the very basic – animalistic – form of human life, because this is life lived through instincts. Singleness gives you a great opportunity to develop beyond your egocentric, selfish nature (I know, this sounds harsh, but it is important to be able to deal with the truth – a great exercise for building your self, actually). Make an effort to observe yourself in various situations – how do you react and why? What disturbs you about people and why? What can you change? What can’t you change? What can you influence and what not? Build your emotional intelligence, learn to understand people because this skill in turn will enable you to understand your life partner and children later in life (if this is what you are going for). You will learn to resolve conflicts, to be humble, understanding, to communicate. Define your values, your likes and dislikes, things you can compromise on and things you cannot change for anyone. Build your persona, become a respectful individual and know not to compromise on that. You will become a whole person in building your self.
#6 Building a new skill
I have already mentioned it above, but I am convinced that it deserves more attention. How often have we admired another person for their ability to write, their ability to listen, their ability to speak more than one or two languages? Surprise surprise: you can do it too! Yes, you can. If you truly want to, you can, and this is where being single is SUCH a blessing: you have the TIME and can FOCUS on your learning. Nowadays, there are so many Apps that facilitate learning and make it super fun to learn a language – so much so that you do not even realize you are learning, but one day, you will notice that you actually understand most of what your Russian speaking colleague at work has just said. What a wonderful realisation this is (trust me, it is – been there, done that)! Wanna improve your business acumen? Wanna learn more about coaching and listening? Wanna learn to code? Wanna learn more about Africa? Anything you want to learn, you can do best while single, while you have no distractions. In a relationship, we tend to focus on our partner and their needs a lot (and we should!), but we do not have that responsibility as a single. Imagine the wealth of knowledge you will have acquired. Besides the fact that we are only using a fraction of our brain capacity, more and more humans are being replaced by machines for work that does not require a lot of thinking. What more motivation do you need? We are now living in a world where intellectual and emotional intelligence are at the forefront, and you certainly want to make sure to be competitive in a time where the greatest information and resources are accessible to all, for free, thanks to the power of the internet. Be innovative about yourself, add value to yourself. Be so excellent that they cannot ignore you.
#7 You are focused/You can be obsessed
Speaking of focus. Focus enables you to ignore the noise around you and get to the goal you have set for yourself. I love this acronym of the word focus: F – Follow; O – One; C – Course; U – Until; S – Successful – Follow One Course Until Successful. Focus enables you to actually achieve what you have planned for yourself. The reason being that, though you may not yet be the next Einstein, your focus will make you one, if that was your goal. See, focus enables you to get to where you are going. Therefore, should you not focus on that, you will not become it since your attention will be drawn to things other than your goal. You can also use the word obsession. I think those who fail are those who are not obsessed enough with their vision. Then, it will either not be the right time or it was not their vision in the first place, but if you are obsessed with your vision or goal, you will do anything to achieve it. And if that means failing 1000 times or going on a sabbatical to focus – you will do and give all you can and have to. You will find ways. No matter how long it takes or what obstacles you have – you will get there. Your goals and your fulfillment with receive the undivided attention that they need. However, you cannot properly make use of focus, if you do not have a goal, which brings me to my 7th point.
#8 You can find your calling
Who are you and what do you want to do in life? Do you know that? For sure? Have you done extensive research, spoken to people in your area of desire, build skills around that area – have you found your calling? Why are you on earth, how can you contribute to the betterment of it? What do you have that made you necessary? (I know, hard question to answer!). But know this: you are on earth for a reason. Never. Doubt. That. There is no need to compete against others just to feel good about yourself. Be useful instead. There is something in this world that only you can resolve. The question is: what is it? There is no perfect time to find a response to those questions than your time as a single. There is no bigger tragedy than living life without a purpose. If you do that, you are merely a biomass, vegetating on earth – you are simply occupying space for nothing. If marriage and having a family is your goal, for instance, what will you do once your kids are grown and leave home or your husband is out working all day? You are an individual, you were born an individual and you will die as an individual. Don’t depend on someone else for your happiness, success or fulfillment, create it yourself! Make your life on earth meaningful, and even if it is just for a few children in your neighborhood. If you have bigger dreams and want to change the way the United Nations currently does business – go for it! The sky is the limit, and singleness is the power to get you up there.
#9 You can discover love
Let me stop here for a minute and let you ponder upon the above statement. Discover love. I think love is one of the greatest misconceptions on earth, if not the greatest. We all know that we need love, that we want to give love, that we function by love, and that love exists. But most of us do not know anything about the concept of love, let alone how to apply it. Love actually deserves its own blog series.. Most of us believe that, first of all, we deserve to receive love – but if everyone of us is thinking this way, who will there be to give love? Unfortunately, in our society today, we are taught to expect love, to not give love and to think of us and our own first. To me, this is an egocentric type of love. Yes, you have to think about yourself and your family but that should not be your focus, if you truly want to discover love. The love I personally was taught to express and experience is agape love. The type of love that is sacrificial and selfless. And I know this sounds very philosophical or religious but it is not – it is truth and I can tell you that with 100% confidence. At the end of the day, even if you do not believe me, one day in your life you will realize that life is about love, first of all. Giving love, because receiving begins when you give. This is not natural for us humans which is why that type of love is divine, supernatural, spiritual. Since we humans are made of body, soul and spirit, we cannot neglect that crucial aspect that makes us fully human. That is why we have to build our spiritual selves too – just like exercising or eating to build your physical self or studying to build your mind and soul. I encourage you to research about agape love on your own, and today, start celebrating true love – celebrate someone by loving them. Make them a compliment, offer a helping hand and don’t expect anything for it. Let me finish up with this: a successful relationship is built on mutual, sacrificial love. Until you have discovered and understood that, you should probably avoid being in a relationship – protect yourself this way. If both you and your partner are at that stage, there is nothing more wonderful than being in a relationship but it takes heavy preparation to get to that level; make use of your singleness to reach it.
#10 You can build your values
I have to re-emphasize the importance of this point. It is so so crucial for you to build solid, meaningful, sustainable and lasting values for yourself! Values are like constraints that build your personality. It is like your territory – the place where you are in control, where you keep your sanity, have power, and where you decide – you walk inside that territory if you want to keep those things. However, once you compromise on your values, you enter a territory that will harm you because you find yourself out of your zone. This is why it is so important to choose the right values. For example, say one of your values is honesty. You therefore write down everything you know about honesty, what it means to you, why it is important to you and how you want to apply it in your own life. You will grow in that value as you apply it in your life. Your familiarity with honesty will enable you to identify dishonesty, you discern honest people from those who are dishonest, and you will know to not choose dishonest people as your friends. Honesty is what will make you speak up when you see it under compromise. Your values are what will make you act. You will stand for something. You will know that wrong is wrong, even if everybody is doing it. And you know that right is right, even if no one is doing it. I could write an entire blog on values, but I will leave you with that: It is not hard to make decisions, once you know what your values are.
As you may have concluded by now, there are at least 10 reasons to celebrate singleness – on Valentine’s day or any other day because it is worth celebrating! By the way, did you know that singleness does not stop once you find the love of your life? Celebrate your singleness, whether you are taken or not. If you didn’t know, let me give you a few other meanings of singleness:
If these are not marvelous, astonishing compliments for a single, then I don’t know what is! Use your time as a single to build your singleness, your individuality, your uniqueness, your healthy pride – and never lose it, no matter at what stage in life!
What do you like about being single? Do any of the thoughts in this post resonate with you? Or do you believe this may help a friend? Please share your thoughts below and/or share this post. Happy Valentine’s day! 🙂
With love and gratitude,