We women are quite particular. We are the best at finding all the right excuses for why we still can make a relationship work, be it before we have fully engaged in it or while we notice it is going downhill. I’ve had friends telling me that they do not know any man who does not cheat on their girlfriends or who have not cheated on them or previous girlfriends before. By now, they have concluded that men are just like that. It’s in their nature. They think with their little friend between their legs, first and foremost. There’s nothing you can do about it. So they just go with it.
Well, I call this type of „thinking“ making excuses. First of all, I am sure that most men, if they are absolutely honest with themselves, will confirm that men are indeed highly driven by their „friend down there“. It indeed is nature. In fact, sex is a legitimate physical need for the man, just like it is a need for us to eat when we are hungry. Therefore, nature is not bad. Nature is what keeps us alive, it is the basic form of our human life: the animalistic life. It is required for our procreation and existence. Our instincts and reflexes, our bodily chemical reactions are what protect us from extinction when it comes to danger or survival.
However, this is not the level of life we are supposed to live in. Unless you live in the jungle, surrounded by deadly animals 24/7, there is no need for you to turn on that survival mode. The way we are supposed to live is not by acting animalistic but by acting like the humans that we are. We are supposed to live based on what makes us human. So what is it that makes us superior to animals? What is it that makes us human? The ultimate thing that differentiates us human beings from animals is our mind. Our thinking faculty. Our brains. The thing that makes us stop, analyze, interpret, draw conclusions and act based on those. The thing that makes us personalities.
Therefore, anyone who is referring to men like that and making excuses is referring to their animalistic nature. They don’t see men as human beings. My question to such person is, if you „take men as they are“ in their animalistic nature, what keeps you from just choosing any? Why do you have conditions on who to choose? Or, why don’t you just have sex with a dog if that was your focus? I’m sorry as this sounds quite harsh but almost anyone can have sex with a woman, you don’t even need a human being (physically) to do that. Therefore, when you are telling me that men are just like that, you refuse to use your brain, my lady. You reduce both yourself and the man you are fancying to an animal.
Also, if you are a man, making excuses on how driven you are by your friend down there, that you „can’t help it“ and the cheating „just happened“, I can tell you that you are not using your brain. You are not assessing the situation with the capacity of that precious gift filling your skull that is called brain.
What does it mean to use you brain, or, to think? Let’s break it down.
When you think, you
#1 Have a purpose.
Everything you think has a purpose, a goal. If not, you act based on your instincts; you then use your stimulus, your reflexes as a means to act; you basically act like an animal.
#2 Ask questions.
By thinking and using your brain, you want to figure something out. You are seeking understanding and want to respond to a question, you unleash your curiosity and strive to discover the unknown.
Everyone assumes something. When I say „Good morning“ to my colleagues at work, I assume they will respond. There is no way you can think without assuming something. If you don’t, you just act based on how you feel. Not because what you do or say actually makes clear sense.
#4 Have a point of view.
You think because you have a certain worldview. You have values and principles of life that govern the way you perceive the world, your understanding of what is right and what is wrong. Disabling your brain keeps you from using a healthy paradigm to make the right call.
#5 Are informed.
You seek evidence, data, information on which to base your actions and thinking. You don’t just do things because you heard them, because they sound nice or because everyone does it, but you act based on evidence and with sanity. You don’t walk around blindfolded when you have the capacity to use your eyes.
#6 Form concepts and ideas.
Based on the information at hand, you are able to form concepts, ideas, recognize patterns that help you judge, discern and analyze the information you have. Which brings me to my next point.
You can now draw conclusions and give meaning to the information you have gotten. You can make a final decision that is educated, reasonable and comprehensible. And you have evidence to back up your thought process.
#8 Have results.
Your reasoning, your thinking will lead you somewhere. It will bring about a result. There is always a result or consequence to your thinking. And your results will speak for you.
So, what does all that have to do with the wrong guy?
Well, it is not surprising to see that we women often end up with the wrong guy if we do not do the work of thinking. Because that is what it is: work. Thinking is hard work, which is why so many do not engage in it, both men and women. But women often resort to using their feelings to make decisions, instead of using their brains which is why they do not just end up with the wrong guy, but they are not taken all too seriously by men and others either, over time. Any man can flatter you and promise you all the wonderful things in the world. He may even have done some research to know what your likes and dislikes are, to know a bit of your life story and comes up with original ideas you may have never heard anyone say. And you fall for it. You believe those men, you trust them because you hope. Hope however is not thinking.
An example is the vulnerability women reveal when it comes to their crying babies. Even if the child has clearly done something wrong, mothers are oftentimes not as strict with them as fathers are. They easily focus on calming the child to stop the crying rather than educating them on the spot. That is one reason why women often struggle more with the aspect of respect from their children, as opposed to the fathers. Our feelings guide us to act in those moments, not our logic or holistic view. Which is not a negative thing in itself, rather, it provides interesting and helpful insight on the differences between men and women.
I am a woman myself and I believe women are wonderful. I take absolute pride in being a woman, and I am grateful to be one, for good reasons I will be highlighting in other upcoming posts too. I do not think that using your feelings is bad. However, there is a time for everything, including the right time to use our feelings to do something, specially when it comes to your love interest.
The fact that, throughout centuries, we have created an imbalance in using our thinking faculty vs our feeling faculty has contributed to the nourishment of movements such as feminism that strive to get us to the same level as men. Because we have now come to openly talk about the fact that we are being treated differently than them. The different treatments are not wrong. There are things that make men and there are things that make women, and I do not believe these things are bad or should be eradicated. I am not talking about being treated unfairly, I am talking about being treated differently.
Women are women for a reason and men are men for a reason. Our thinking faculties only enhance and make brilliant what we naturally are. Frankly, you can choose to do or think anything you want, but you cannot choose the consequences of your choices. Therefore, the best thing is to act or make your choices based on the consequences they bring forth. Which you will know, if you truly think. What makes this guy like me? Does he even know me? What are his expectations? What does he want for me? Are we both ready to put the needs of our opposite first? Am I sure that our values, goals and desires in life do not collide? Am I acting based on what I feel, based on what he says or based on what I know? And what do I know? If we don’t have answers to those types of questions, if we do not know the purpose of our actions towards that guy, abuse, misuse and misunderstanding will most likely be the result – be it consciously or unconsciously, emotionally or physically.
My point is this, ladies. If we decide to think logically and act based on our thinking, before we allow ourselves to just feel, our decisions would bring us less headache, less broken hearts, less stress, less sorrow and less negative experiences. We would be identifying the wrong guy before sacrificing almost our entire beings into upholding a relationship that was destined to fail in the first place.
With love and gratitude,